Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Some people call him Maurice

What to make of the latest story to emerge about a National Party MP, Lockwood "permasmile" Smith's dice with death on an airliner struck by lightning?

Well, not a lot; this sort of thing happens all the time. You put big metal things into the air and the lightning seeks them out; its elementary physics, really. Clearly though, Dr Smith does not get out that often: "I expected immediately the plane to lose power but no she just kept climbing" (notice in passing, if you will, how Dr Smith – National's Spokesman for Immigration – has adopted the syntactical conventions of Indians in 1970s British sitcoms; goodness gracious me). But, although he may be technologically challenged, Dr Smith thinks of the children: "Dr Smith said the seats on the flight were full with lots of children because of the start of school holidays."

It had all the makings of a disaster – full, plane, lightning, children, rugged hero – except danger. Fortunately, all was not lost; someone, possibly Dr Smith himself, managed to make a news story of it. And they say nothing ever happens in New Zealand.

Meanwhile, in an unrelated incident, Dr Smith's rival for the Rodney electorate - Labour candidate Conor Roberts - has won a $25 beer voucher. The prize was given by Auckland's stylish SPE pub, where Mr Roberts often enjoys foaming ales and the house speciality – free popcorn. "It's a great day for wealth distribution," said Mr Roberts, who works in PR and so won't mind me inventing quotes for him if it gives him a little free publicity.

So, there you have it. Dr Smith and Mr Roberts are now equal on non-news terms, justifying the Fundy Post's reputation for fairness and balance. And I have managed to write about Dr Smith without including a photograph of him looking silly.

On the other hand, I just can't help myself.




Steve Miller:

5 comments:

Conor Roberts said...

What you calling non-news???

I look forward to redeeming the free beer and popcorn with you...

SPE is great. You forgot to mention their happy-hour and delightful K Road footpath beer garden.

Seldom Dogood said...

Hopefully the host of "It's Academic" now knows all about Faraday cages.

Joe Wylie said...

"Goodness gracious me" was Peter Sellers. For vintage sitcom Indians (and, probably, Lockwood Smurf) it's "Ohomygollygosh".

Peter in Dundee said...

I actually had the dubious pleasure of encountering Lockwood Permasmile Smith on 'It's Academic'. Twice in fact as we won our first round. My opinion of him was not improved by the encounter.

He did not like us for this reason: our teacher in child was a sometime Labour candidate in Birkenhead and since our school was into such things, as team captain I was instructed not to call Lockwood 'sir'. So despite him asking to be so addressed I did not. He was visibly not at all pleased that we had won, probably because he recognised our teacher. Ah such introductions to party politics at such a tender age...

Peter in Dundee said...

Whoops, that should have been 'teacher in charge'. Freudian slip there along with a failure to use preview or proofread...