Saturday, May 15, 2010

Schoolgirl sailor not eaten by lesbian zombie pirates

Yes, I know the headline is a little dramatic, and I acknowledge that Jessica Watson never was in any danger of being eaten by lesbian zombie pirates; I am trying to give this story more news impact, in the hope of one day becoming a sub for one of our two newspaper conglomerates. However, Ms Watson should be aware that zombie IP lawyers will be waiting for her.

Anyway, what about those lizards? Here is some science:
Lizards, which include geckos, iguanas and chameleons, are often referred to as cold-blooded creatures but in fact their body temperature rises and falls with their exterior environment.
Yes, that would be because they are cold-blooded, wouldn't it?

Moving right along: Lesbians. Do they play softball? Apparently, this is an important issue. Supreme Court Nominee Elena Kagan has been compromised by a photograph published by the Wall Street Journal which shows her holding a big stick and wearing a lesbian hair cut. Not exactly hot girl-on-girl action, I am sure you will agree, but all this is apparently coded lesbianism. The New York Post has a lot to say, and accompanies it with pictures of women in sportswear and (for the gentlemen) a tribute to Lena Horne. Say no more, squire.

Another way to spot homosexualists is to look for acronyms. Queers love acronyms. So it is at the GLBTQ, which tells all about lesbian sports:
A telling example of the importance of sports to lesbian culture is the fact that softball teams are cherished institutions in many lesbian communities. Indeed, joining a lesbian softball team is often the first move a new lesbian in town makes to meet other like-minded women.
Ooh er, Missus. Somewhere in the vaults of the Simthsonian there must be a 1950s public information film which warns young women of the dangers of lesbianism by showing a new girl in town who joins the local softball team and finds herself surrounded by over-friendly and rather masculine women. If there is any justice in the world, that film will exist. There is no justice in the world, so we shall have to make it.


harvestbird said...

I can't help but feel that softball is differently coded in this country. When I was at primary school, it was the only summer sport girls were able to play. My first thought upon seeing that image of Miss Kagan was that I would want her on my team. That thought too can degenerate into hnurgh hnurgh territory, but only for someone who never had to face the Burnside Primary girls in a tournament circa 1985.

Anonymous said...

Lesbian vampires are more common than lesbian zombies, though...

Craig Y ;)