I am sure that Fundy Post readers are people of discernment who would never drink what passes for coffee at Gloria Jean's. On your behalf, I tried it as research for a future article on café simulacra and I can tell you - it is awful. However, if my word is not enough and you still feel tempted to try an extra-large decaff frappucino with vanilla fudge and raspberry ripple, consider this: Gloria Jean's sponsors sadism.
Yes it's crazy but it's true. Gloria Jean's raises money from its customers for Mercy Ministries, which provides "opportunities for young women to experience God's unconditional love, forgiveness and life-transforming power," by scaring the crap out of them. This "holistic client-focused approach" involves blaming every problem on demons. It also provides Mercy Ministries with opportunities to experience the benefit payments of young women with serious problems. It is, of course, anti-gay. According to Gloria Jean's, every Girl is born to fly, I hope as far away from these mediaeval creeps as possible.
Gloria Jean's also sponsors Hillsong, the odious Australian megachurch founded by a paedophile from Lower Hutt, which has tried to influence voting at State, Federal and Australian Idol levels.
So now you have no excuse but to drink grown-up coffee in local shops run by their owners.
Thanks to Craig