Friday, April 11, 2008

Everything must go


Great news for bargain hunters: now you can get Scientology training, FREE. Yes, it's crazy but it's true: previously Scientologists had to pay thousands of dollars in order to become Operating Thetans. And they had to meet other Scientologists: creepy, weird people. And they had to disavow their families and do lots of other stange stuff just because the people in charge (who wear naval uniforms) said so. But now, all that has changed. Thanks to Internet, which has no boundaries, you can download the entire Operating Thetan training programme, FREE.

All you need do is go to Wikileaks and download away. Yes, it's easy and it's fun. And it's FREE.

Of course the Church of Scientology has threatened an injunction, just as they always do. But this time, they may find their opponent is bulletproof.

By now, you are probably thinking, "what's it like, this Scientology training? Is it right for me?" Well here is a sample of some advanced Scientology drills, for you to try before you download. And yes, they are FREE.


DRILLS

1.Walk around and count bodies until you have a cognition. Make a report saying how many you counted and your cognition.
2.Note several large and several small female bodies until you have a cognition [Blogeur's comment: this is not what you think]. Note it down.
3.Note several large and several small male bodies until you have a cognition. Note it down.
4.Find a tight packed crowd of people, note it as a crowd, then as individuals until you have a cognition. Note it down. Do step over until you do.
5.Seat yourself unobtrusively where you can observe a number of people. Spot things and people you are not. Do to cognition. Note it down.
6.Seat yourself unobtrusively where you can observe a number of people. Spot things and people you can have. Do to cognition. Note it down.
7.Note some physical thing about yourself you don't like. Observing people, in them note that body part. Do to some change. Note it down.
8.Observing people, spot things that are not wrong with them. Do to cognition. Note it down.
9.Walk around and note someone walking toward you, then someone walking away, then someone walking toward you, etc. Do to cognition. Note it down.
10.Walk around and note how people stick to the ground and their sense of weight. Do to cognition. Note it down.
11.Spot importances in people while looking at them. Do to cognition. Note it down.
12.Look into space and find places where there are no persons. Do to cognition. Note it down.
13.Walk around and note where there are people. Do to cognition. Note it down.


And remember, when people like the Church of Scientology and the Maxim Institute are trying to limit your access to information, libraries gave us power.

4 comments:

Lyndon said...

Back in the usenet days I had a friend who was on alt.sceptic. Somebody was progressively posting this kind of thing. I recall stuff about reading animal's minds at the zoo.

Anyway, whenever it happened the Scientology lawyer (Michelle somebody?) would pop up and threaten to sue; not exactly cofirm-nor-deny.

Anonymous said...

One of the first things cults do is - usurp the language they use (English, in this case.) Gives a kind of 'I'm an insider!' power feeling to the recruit - and starts reducing their contact with reality...

Anonymous said...

Seventies fashion. Scary!!!

Craig Y

Eric Olthwaite said...

ohmygod - that's John Trevolting sitting in the chair - ohmygod.

Come out of the closet Tom!