Monday, July 27, 2009

Bad poetry, baby

I’m made in a lab, but not like you think
I can be made under the kitchen sink
In your child’s closet, and even in the woods
If this scares you to death, it certainly should

I have many names, but there’s one you know best
I’m sure you’ve heard of me, my name is Crystal Meth
My power is awesome, try me, you’ll see
But if you do, you’ll never be free

I am sure that Paul Holmes has been through a lot, but there really is no excuse for this. It doesn't scan, it doesn't make sense and it makes the preferred drug of morons seem really scary - which will make more rich and stupid people try it. I am sure there must be a down-side to rich and stupid people getting destructively addicted to a drug; and when I think of it, I will make the appropriate noises and facial gestures to suggest an appropriate sense of gravity and concern. In the meantime, kids, just say no to doggerel.


laughing_boy said...

and in the "we think we have problems" category -

MEXICAN police have captured 11 suspected members of the La Familia cartel and seized the 40th drug lab belonging to the cartel. It produced 100kg crystal methamphetamine weekly. — Sapa-AP

100kg! holy cow.

Samuel said...

New album teaser?

Samuel said...

Oh, and one of the Kiwiblog commenters reckons they've found the poem's origin:

Peter in Dundee said...

Also if you are going to rhyme a poem at least by consistent and actually do so. In what world does 'best' rhyme with 'Meth'? To those that lisp maybe.

If you are going to constrain yourself to the disciplines of metre, rhyme and structure (nothing wrong with that btw) then you need to rise to the challenges thus imposed. Failing to do so is all the more visible within those constraints. Why so many of the talentless write free verse.

George said...

He should have rhymed meth with death. That would have been dope.

Actually, he should have got together with Nesian Mystik and made a single.

stephen said...

It's not quite as good as William McGonagall, is it.


Brought to you by "sudfi", the only brand trusted by Islamic mystics everywhere.

Boganette said...

I don't know a great deal about meth-making but I would think a closet wouldn't be a good place to make it. And surely IN the sink would be better than under the sink.

Not to mention the woods. Bad lighting, no electricity etc.

Samuel said...

"Not to mention the woods. Bad lighting, no electricity etc."

Electricity (from mains at least) isn't essential. With the right basic tools you can cook up meth almost anywhere, and rural or wooded areas are common sites because of the seclusion and the lack of people to moan about toxic fumes.

You're right that it wouldn't be all that pleasant. We are talking meth after all.

Craig Ranapia said...

Meanwhile, I tempted to go get high and see if that slab of Vogon verse is any less painful.

I can see the headline when I sell my tragic story to the media: PAUL HOMLES TURNED ME INTO A DEGENERATE JUNKIE!

nznative said...

hush be still
whisper who dares?
Small boy sits at the foot of the stairs.
Blood on the carpet , fur on the mat
Christopher Robins castrated the cat.

..... while we're in bad poetry mode ;-)