Thursday, August 29, 2013

Sex and the single room

News from University Hall, Auckland University's latest money-making wheeze (sorry, I meant to say "integrated student accommodation environment" or something like that, but I just couldn't) comes this  extraordinary  notice: "We have received several complaints of excessive noise of a sexual nature after 10pm. Although engaging in sexual activity is not discouraged, it would be prudent to note the accompanying noise may be heard by your neighbours. If you are unable to restrain these noises, we may have to ban sexual activity between 10pm and 6am."

Oh my; what is going on there? As this photo  – of an actual University Hall standard single room with actual students actually posing awkwardly – shows, the University provides scarcely enough space for a threesome. But perhaps everybody is so happy there that they just can't help hooking up and indulging in raucous rumpy-pumpy all night long ("Please note that you will have to supply your own towels"). But what will happen if the 10-6 sex curfew is implemented? Will students be bunking lectures in favour of afternoon delight? Will they be thrusting faster, faster, in order to finish before the 10pm deadline? Will they be abstaining all night long but setting their alarms for six?

And can we blame the architects? When Warren and Mahoney designed this building they were very proud of the bedroom units, which were pre-fabricated and then slotted together onsite. Perhaps the soundproofing qualities of good old-fashioned bricks and mortar have something to be said for them.

Feel free to share your embarrassing university sex memories in the comments below.

Roogalator; note the before and after contraceptive pill package on the front and back covers: there was a time when people, men mostly, seemed to think that contraceptive pills were that fast-acting. If you don't believe me, watch Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice.

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