Monday, June 23, 2008

Bizarre love triangle


I am grateful to Mssrs Farrar and Hood for commenting on my previous post, Mr Farrar for relieving me of my confusion and Mr Hood for implying that I might be gay; in fact, I am not that well-dressed.

Being but an humble art historian and not versed in the strategems of Politick, I had assumed that the result of the American Presidential election would affect Labour's chances in entirely different ways. I had thought that, if the black man won, someone like Michael Bassett would reveal that Helen Clark was neither black nor a man, and therefore unsuitable for public office. My concern about the possibility of the Vietnam veteran winning was more grave. Please read on.

I can now exclusively reveal that Mr Ian Wishart will be exclusively revealing that Helen Clark and Judith Tizard were among John McCain's torturers in Vietnam, having volunteered to work for the Viet Cong on their OE. Here is an exclusive extract from the next issue of Investigate:
Early on the third day of McCain's solitary confinement at the Lol Wut People's Re-education Camp, two women entered his cramped cell. McCain recalls that both were white, but spoke English in an unfamiliar dialect, in which the words "six," "sucks," "sex," and "socks" sounded identical. McCain's blood chilled when he noticed that one was wearing crampons, while the other was holding kitchen implements...
New Order:


6 comments:

Keri Hulme said...

WOOT!
or
Bloody neat!
Whatever appeals-

Anonymous said...

Of course you aren't gay, you're
a debonair metrosexual flaneur...

Craig Y

Lyndon said...

I should admit I'd never really got the impression you were gay. It's just that, what with the art history, I thought actually being accused of straightness might be a novelty.

Jake said...

Still, if these accusation turn out to be true, we'd be punching above our weight on the global scale.

Surely every kiwi would be proud that our leaders had such a close relationship with a US president.

Samuel said...

"...solitary confinement at the Lol Wut People's Re-education Camp..."

Pears. Endless pears, grown in the thick undergrowth, and backbreakingly harvested by those prisoners fortunate enough to be worked instead of starved to death. Few realise the monotonous diet of the Viet Cong was relieved by pear stew, pear preserve, and so on. The fruits were precious to the Communists and the Lol Wut patches were guarded closely...

... but not always closely enough. And it was on not a few occasions that late-arriving NVA officers would find, amidst the dead and dying guards and squashed fruit, in the ruins of a raided plantation, a solitary pear into which a mocking grin had been carved.

Thus the grinning pear has passed into legend, whenever the words Lol Wut are spoke.

Anonymous said...

Wishfart is in serious danger of turning Jesus Camp in Jesus Kitsch...

Craig Y