That nice Mr Garth McVicar was on Media7 last night. He described himself as a 'cockie,' which might be considered one syllable too many, as well as something of surprise for viewers in Jamaica.
I was in the studio audience: that's me in the burgundy velvet jacket. Mr McVicar, who favours the killing of children who persistently tag private property, wore a white polo shirt bearing the Trust's logo, a pair of scales and the word 'sensible.' My polo shirt, by contrast, was black and bore the word 'Apple.'
Despite our ethical and sartorial differences, Mr McVicar and I share a desire for a return to the values of the past. Mr McVicar wants a return to the violent crime rate we had before 1990 (higher than the present-day crime rate, but that is by-the-by) while I seek the return of some of the crimes that were popular in the 1950s, for their comedy value. I am sure you will thus understand, gentle reader, my delight to learn that a knicker nicker has been caught in Dunedin. This is the kind of smutty crime the nation needs, exciting not fear and loathing but prurience and lulz. Perhaps it is the start of a trend. Perhaps we will soon read of peeping toms, men selling dirty postcards and women who offer 'French lessons.'