A life of pie

I don't know what to make of Tony Veitch. No, wait a moment – news just in – yes I do: pies. Let's make pies of him and then force-feed him to his lawyers.

Sorry, that is not very PC of me but somebody has to be tough on these thugs; because I think we can be sure that the Sensible Sentencing Trust will not be outraged. The Trust only gets angry about crimes committed by the proles. A celebrity thug is outside their remit and domestic violence is not something to trouble them.

So, once again, the Fundy Post rushes in where even fools fear to tread. The brilliance of my pie scheme lies not only in the eradication of Mr Veitch and the deterrent effect it will have on men like him. It takes the problem, Mr Veitch, to those responsible for it, his lawyers. My scheme removes the lawyers' source of income and makes them accountable for recycling their client.

You see, what bothers me about this case, apart from this nasty man beating up his former partner, is the involvement of his lawyers. They knew that their client had committed a crime and yet they did not report it to the Police. Instead, they offered a bribe to the victim for her silence. I am sure the lawyers would have some elaborate explanation for this action but I think it clear that they are complicit in the crime.

On reflection, I am prepared to relax my sentencing guidelines (sorry, but I am a liberal: life is a series of rethinks) and suggest, instead of the pie option, that the lawyers be named and shamed. Mr Veitch will probably never work again (I hope he won't) but his lawyers have profited from his crime. Somebody should let us know the names of these people, so we can hold them to account.

Mr Scruff - Sweet Smoke: